I have a close friend whose baby loved to eat. Her baby, Sarah,[1] was just under a year old and would sit at the table and eat a full plate of food. Sarah would delight in eating just about every type of cuisine: Thai food, Chinese, Indian, you name it. Sarah loved feeding herself with her hands and took much joy in being part of the family meals.
One day my friend took her baby to the pediatrician and was informed that her baby’s weight percentile was spiking off of her growth curve. The doctor suggested that my friend begin to moderate the portions she gave Sarah and not to give her any chips, crackers, cookies or pretzels.
This was no small task. Every time my friend went to the park, she had to turn into an armed guard preventing Sarah from seeing any snack foods. Family meals turned into a battleground, limiting the portion of food she gave to her Sarah.
Since this diet plan was turning into a daily war my friend decided to go for a second opinion. She went to a holistic pediatric doctor. The holistic pediatric doctor suggested to my friend that after Sarah finished her allotted portion of food, to then offer more protein but no carbohydrates. My friend tried this strategy for six months to no avail. Sarah was still angry and meal times were getting worse.
My friend had started reading about new nutrition methods which were against restraining your child’s eating. Confused by the conflicting messages my friend went back to the holistic pediatric doctor to ask what she thought. The holistic doctor said that she thought Sarah’s eating needed to be restrained and as a doctor she did not suggest that my friend try the new methods.
Finally my friend decided to take the plunge, feeling that she had nothing to lose. She started to implement the new nutrition methods and stopped restraining Sarah’s portion sizes. My friend provided scheduled meals and snacks for her daughters that were balanced with carbohydrate, protein and fat. My friend followed the Division of Responsibility in Feeding[2] that she had learned from her reading. My friend was responsible for what, when, and where of feeding her daughter. Her daughter was responsible for how much and whether she ate.
At the beginning my Sarah would hoard previously forbidden foods but slowly meal times became more pleasant. After about four months Sarah calmed down when she realized that she no longer had to fight for what she wanted to eat. Meal times became an ordinary part of the daily routine and the focus shifted to other topics for family discussion. My friend’s daughter is still chubby but she is definitely slimming down as she is naturally growing taller.
The doctor’s suggestions to restrain Sarah’s eating seemed so innocent because in our culture it seems to be normal feeding. It is not. Normal feeding is providing a child with a variety of nutritious and appealing food, and then letting them decide what and how much to eat based on their internal regulators of hunger, appetite, and satisfaction.[3] Restraining your children’s eating is not effective. As my teacher Pam Estes, M.S., R.D., C.D., commented “Restrained children become food preoccupied and prone to overeat every chance they get. The fear of being hungry drives their eating.”
There is a beautiful metaphor that I learned from Rabbi Nivin[4] that helps explain this nutritional theory. Rabbi Nivin explains that our physical and spiritual make-up can be compared to a horse and rider. The horse is our bodily desires and it is our responsibility as the rider to tame those bodily desires so horse and rider can ride in unison. How does one go about training a horse? The answer is by building a trusting relationship with the horse over time with patience and love. Then slowly you can begin to put on the halter, bridle, and saddle.
So too is it when we are educating our children to make healthy food choices. The only way to teach our children to have a healthy diet is first to build our children’s trust that we are going to provide them with consistent and nutritious meals and snacks. Over time we can start to explain the nutritional qualities of different types of food and set limits on when it is snack time and meal time. Instead of focusing on what we don’t want our children to eat, let’s focus on what our children can eat and try to present the food in an appealing way. Children eat poorly when parents cross the lines and try to get their children to eat certain types of food or certain amounts of food. Children do an excellent job at regulating their food intake and 75 percent of overweight infants and toddlers slim down on their own.[5]
[1] This is a made up name.
[2] Satter, E. 2005: Your Child’s Weight: Helping Without Harming. United States: Keley Press, p. 10
[3] Satter, E. 2005: Your Child’s Weight: Helping Without Harming. United States: Keley Press, p. 94
[4] Rabbi Nivin hosts Personal Development Chaburas for women: http://www.newchabura.com/
[5] Satter, E. 2005: Your Child’s Weight: Helping Without Harming. United States: Keley Press, p. 167
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