Recently I gave birth to our second daughter after five years of prayers. Thankfully things were different this time around, the pregnancy was normal, the birth was a dream come true (VBAC), but nursing brought me to the same place I was five years ago. Again, my baby was low birth weight (just above 6lbs) which caused me a lot of anxiety if she was getting enough nutrition. Both daughters were also jaundice for which the doctors and nurses recommended giving formula. So, I supplemented with formula after I breastfed but felt conflicted inside.
As with every conflict I searched for a resolution. I researched breast feeding and milk production. I rested. I ate well at meals and provided myself with healthy snacks. I took fenugreek pills morning and night. But what helped me the most was reading this one line in Ellyn Satter’s book, “If your baby wants to eat after half an hour, feed him. You will be able to make milk because most of the milk is made when your baby asks for it.[1]” After reading this all the doubt and fear about my milk production suddenly disappeared. I stopped trying to schedule my baby’s feedings and time two hours in between. I stopped comparing myself to my friend’s baby and started to get to know mine. When she fussed I would try to calm her by nursing her. When she fussed again I would check what else might be bothering her and if she still wasn’t happy I would nurse her again.
Some days I feel like I am nursing her all the time and doubt and fear creep into the back of my mind. “Maybe I don’t have enough milk?” But then I tell myself this must be a hungry day and know this is the way my body will start to produce more milk to suit her growing needs.
A mother has to have determination to be successful at breastfeeding. You have to let go of control and follow your baby’s lead. You have to take care of yourself and ask others for help. Don’t compare yourself to other women. The frequency of feeding times while nursing is highly individual and dependent on the mother and baby.[2]
This concept of stubbornness and motherhood reminded me of why Hashem made our fore mother’s barren. As it says is in the commentary on Bereshit, “Why were the fore mothers made barren? Rav Levi in the name of Rebbi Shilah from the town of Tarmata and Rebbi Chalboh in the name of Rebbi Yochanan said: Because Hashem desires their prayers and supplications…”[3]From here we learn that our fore mothers prayed a lot to merit having children and had a strong desire.
Nursing a baby also takes a strong will and prayer. As we learn from Channah’s supplications to Hashem that we read on the first day of Rosh Hashanah in the haftarah. In part of Chana’s prayer to Hashem it is written, “And Chana spoke upon her heart,”[4] referring to her chest. It explains, in the Gemara in Brachot[5], that Chana prayed to Hashem, “Master of the world, everything you created in a woman has a purpose, eyes to see, nose to smell, mouth to speak, hands to make things, legs to walk, and breasts to nurse… give me a son so I can nurse.”[6] Why was her prayer heard by Hashem? We learn in chassidut, because she convinced Hashem with her claim and her words gave Hashem great joy.[7]
Being successful at mothering takes a lot of prayer. A big part of motherhood involves feeding our children. Whether we are nursing or formula feeding our babies we should pray that we are nourishing our children to be healthy and to grow to their full potential.
[1] Satter,E. 2000: Child of Mine: Feeding with love and Good Sense. United Sates: Bull Publishing Company, p. 150
[2] Satter,E., et al p. 164
[3] Bereshit Rabbah Chap 45
[4] Yermiahu Chap 31 Verse 8
[5] Tractate Brachot, p. 31 b
[6] Arush, Rav Shalom. Women’s Wisdom. Israel: Chut Shel Chesed Institutions, p. 323
[7] Rebbi Nachman, Likutei Mohoran Torah 124
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